My Wonderful Life

by Robert Gently

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Recorded on a tape recorder in a hot shed over the course of three days.

::2017 edit; Personally, I don't really "vibe" these songs anymore and am leaving them up for the sake of keeping them as a record (it seems kind of lame to me to publish something and then unpublish it). I mainly recorded these for the sake of making an album and also for the sake of getting out "official" recorded versions of these songs I had written. At the time, though, I didn't really have the means or the mind to make them any more interesting and acknowledge that this album is generally pretty uneventful and that the minimalism of the songs doesn't really serve them as much as it does detract. "Bowls", especially - I would like to just come out and go on record as saying this - is easily the worst fucking thing I have ever committed to tape.::


released July 7, 2013

All lyrics written and music composed by Robert Gently, except in track 9, where Jane wrote his own sweet little riff thing, and track 12, which is a cover of a song written by Convict Gypsy.
Robert Gently on guitar for all songs except track 10, where he plays piano instead. Robert Gently also plays harmonica on tracks 4, 5, 6, & 7.
Jane plays guitar on tracks 7, 8, & 10 and bass on track 4.
Jane on drums in "Girl in Water" snippet, and Alex Placidyl on drums in "Bowls" snippet.



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Robert Gently Richmond, Virginia

Robert Gently was born on a cold and silent day in 1993. Raised in captivity, Robert learned to walk approximately 20 years later than the average child and was deemed to have developmental issues. Unable to express himself through walking, Robert spent his formative years developing his enjoyment of music and performance art. ... more

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Track Name: Girl in Water
I can hold my breath underwater
For about five minutes
No one hears me when I breathe,
And no one sees me when I leave.
I'm safe.

I can count backwards from ten.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six
No one knows when I'm away,
And no one's seen me yet today
I'm safe.

I can prick my own fingers,
And I can do all my dad's laundry.
No one sees me for too long,
No one would know if I was gone,
I'm safe.

I can clean up all my own toys,
And I can fuck just like a boy.
There's no one but me in my dreams,
No one would hear me if I screamed,
I'm safe.

Thank God, I'm safe.
Track Name: Sarina Valentina
There is no way in Hell, there is no way in Hell,
This doesn't fucking happen.
Nothing ever happens here.
I waited my whole life
Just to wash some damn dishes.
Nothing came, nothing came.
When I get off at night,
I pretend the key at the end of the chain
Is a dog on a leash,
Ready to bite.
And the night Ron showed up at yr flat
In assless chaps
With alchohol on his breath.
This is a test;

The road to Hell is paved in good intentions
Thou shall not covet,
And thou shall not refuse anything
Offered for free.
That about sums up me,
Cheap and easy.

The road to Hell is paved in good intentions
Sarina Valentina
At the height of her career,
Would not F U C K you
For a million dollars,
But I digress,
This is a test.
Track Name: Nim Chimpsky
Sign this for yes, sign this for no.
Sign this for stop, sign this for go.
God made the world special
For people like you and me.
And isn't that nice?
Isn't that easy?

I must be plum out of my mind.

Your first lesson is to learn your own name.
Babies born ugly all have the same fate.
God made a place called Heaven so we'd never have to die.
Do you know what a heart is? It keeps you alive.

I must be plum out of my mind.

The titans have me now, they do as they please.
They know the world, Hell, they have it on its knees.
You think you're angry now, that's a product of your age.
The kids throw peanuts at me from outside my cage.
Track Name: Marie Day
Its about 9 PM when the dogs hit the streets,
They all have their stories and about half are true.
I could care less for the young and the restless,
I am just trying to get to you.
I saw you at a party and shyly approached you,
I spoke to you briefly and was immediately disarmed.
A hopeless romantic, I'm not afraid to admit
That I fell for your humor, your confidence, your charm.

The things I did to get closer to you,
Some would mayhaps call stalking.
If I ever found the words for how I feel about you,
I would probably never stop talking.

And I'll pledge my allegiene right away,
All of the world for Marie Day.
Every cloud in Heaven has gone away,
My love went unrequited by Marie Day.

I can't say I was any too pleased when I found
The rose that I'd left you laying on the ground.
It was the most crushing feeling in the entire world,
When I saw you holding hands with some other girl.
Track Name: Walkin' the Dog
This is how I wash my clothes, oh ho ho!
And this here's how I blow my nose, oh ho ho!
Wash my clothes, blow my nose,
Until I lose both of those, oh ho ho!
Oh ho ho, oh he ha ha, oh ho ho!

My severance pay and a bottle of rain, oh ho ho!
A bottle of rain and my severance pay, oh ho ho!
Severance pay, botle of rain,
I aint done nothing but drink all damn day.
Oh ho ho, oh he ha ha, oh ho ho!

I was out walkin' the dog
Through the rain and the snow and the sleet and the fog.
It got so damn cold, I got covered in frost,
And my legs both froze solid 'til they both fell off.

Six-Toe-Sue found my dog in the pound.
And Six-Toe-Sue, she put my dog in the ground.
Dog in the pound, dog in the ground,
Sue don't do nothing but just stick around.
Oh ho ho, oh he ha ha, oh ho ho!

This is how I fly a kite, oh ho ho!
And this here's how I tie a knot tight, oh ho ho!
Tie a knot tight, go fly a kite,
Honey, I hope you enjoy the flight.
Oh ho ho, oh he ha ha, oh ho ho!
Track Name: Alas, Bethlehem
Alas, Bethlehem, how I fret for your hair,
You had such lovely hair, then lost all your hair.
Alas, Bethlehem, we have finally made it,
In pieces no less, but we've finally made it.

And when you die, will they put cement in your bones
And stuff you inside a display case?
And when you die, will they cut up your body
And stuff you inside a display case?

Alas Bethlehem, we've done everything wrong.
We are totally still friends, but I don't like you at all.
Alas Bethlehem, I have shaved off my hair,
And to show you I care, I present you my hair.

And when the prisoners are free, will we raise up our hands
And say "Guys, just kidding"?
And when the assassins arive, will we stand breathlessly,
And say "The joke's over, just kidding"?

Well, et tu, Bethlehem,
I won't like you
Til the text books say I do.
Track Name: I am a Monster
Its raining sunlight, there's balloons in the air,
The young girls smile right on cue.
The cops get the bad guys in sheer heroism.
I'm lucky I made it through today.

And the funeral procession is gathering outside.
The people keep their heads down before the hearse.
And the late needs a eulogy, his son rises to the stand,
But he is too drunk now to speak.

The donkey laughs at the hyaena,
And the hyaena laughs back.
"A face so ugly, a face so marred,
And chuckles without reason, what a gag!"

The streets are paved in cobble stone, flowers popping up.
I'm lucky I made it through today.
The children run outside, giggling as they go.
I'm lucky I made it through today.
Track Name: Nick's Theme
Its a beautiful day in my personal Hell.
The kids get in for free, well, they might as well.
Go to the sink, rub the led out my eyes.
Don't take much work to just lay down and die.

(The vultures pick my brains off the sidewalk.
Man, I fucking walk there.)

Unborn babies sleep in the trees,
Muttering their mothers' anxieties,
Wondering if fish can forget how to breathe.
God's selective memory.
Track Name: Puppy Love
Yr eyes are a fuckin' porno
Yr smile feels like vicodin.
Girl, you make me wanna cut again.

Yr makin' me feel green,
Cuz babe, yr my queen.
Do you know what I mean?

And at night, when I walk out too far,
I pray I get hit by a car.
Cuz, lately, this buzzing in my head
Has been makin' me wish I was dead.

Girl, I know I'm in love with you,
Cuz yr the only one I jack-off to.
Later, are you comin' by my house?
I want you to spit in my mouth.
I want you to stomp on my chest.
Cuz, girl, I think you're the best.
Yeah, hold a fuckin' gun to my head,
Cuz, girl, I think you're the best.

You make me feel like roadkill,
Tell me to do it and I will.
Cuz, babe, I think you're the best.
Track Name: Bowls
Pictures of your smile,
Casette tapes reel your laugh,
A boy hands you flowers on the street.

Watch this stupid, little boy
Spit like cobra, fall like Troy,
Ruins himself before you
Hoping at least to amuse.

All I want are these
Pieces of perfection.
To hold your memories in a bowl.
To be the object of your admiration.
Held in favor in your gaze.

Gibst mir ein stuck von du,
Gibst mir ein stuck von du,
All I want is to do right by you.
Track Name: Claws Clipped
I wear your smile over my frown,
And I'm never around,
And I grab my shoe laces
To drag my feet,
Its the only way I get around.

It keeps me warmer when its warm,
And colder when its cold,
Its not the worst thing in the world,
Its just making me old
And makes me scarder when I'm bold.

There's not a single tooth in this skull of mine,
And if I want to survive,
I guess I'll have to hide.
It tears up all my insides,
But it keeps me alive.

I wear your smile over my frown,
And it sneaks into my heart,
Gathers all of my worst parts,
Wears them like a gown,
And it follows me around.

It always rains
When she's nice to me,
And the sun only shines
When she'd rather not be.
People keep their thoughts
Inside a little box,
But its never really there,
And its never really happening.
People are always thinking,
But not about anything,
And its never really there,
And its never really happening, its never really happening, its. . .

Its not the worst thing in the world.

Its just empty space.
Track Name: Grillin' on the Sidewalk
(Music and lyrics written by Convict Gypsy)

Grillin' on the sidewalk,
Watchin' the bitches stop.
The heat makes your face wavy,
And its makin' me feel crazy.
The blood looks black on his head,
But on the white walkway its red.
The grass by the fence is overgrown,
That's where their trash gets thrown.

I'm your man, oh oh oh,
You need me for your protection.
No, no, no, you don't have a choice,
Just cuz I say I am, I'm your man.

Grillin' on the sidewalk,
We need ketchup from the corner shop.
Some girls stopped by to party,
And we drank a lot of bacardi.
Dogs shit on the sidewalk,
Throwing glass bottles at their heads.
The boy I stabbed looks hurt bad,
But the cops won't come past Porter Ave.

Cuz I'm your man, oh oh oh,
You need me for your protection.
Track Name: Poison Flowers
It only takes a second
To forget an entire day.
Its on the tip of your tongue,
But you don't taste it anyway.
She's a scratch of static,
A flicker on the screen.
You blinked for a moment,
And it was gone.

Hour after hour,
The waning purple moon.
Little poison flowers
Are growing in my room.
Anyone would want it,
If anything's for sure.
Boys with their faces pressed-up on
The windows at the store.

And if I bit my tongue, fell to all fours,
And barked your name, would it be the same?
And if I delayed inhibition,
If I showed my shame, would it be the same?

And if I went through the house and painted everything red,
Would you still sleep in my bed?
And if I cracked my skull open, went and fucked-up my head,
Would you still sleep in my bed?
And if I left without a word and later turned up dead,
Would you still sleep in my bed?